Western Patrol Club Inc.

“Mud, Ruts and No Glory Trip”

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Offline the evil twin

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“Mud, Ruts and No Glory Trip”
« on: 21 September, 2009, 07:03:55 PM »
The Dogman's “Mud, Ruts and No Glory Trip” coming soon to a Cinema near you…

Released in other countries too avoid litigation under such names as…
“The Mt Keats Chainsaw Massacre”
“You Don’t Mess with the Weatherman”
“Mud Wars” and
“Sisterhood of the Traveling Patrols”

Nominated for 5 Oscars, 3 Darwin Awards and an unprecedented 23 Golden Raspberries with an all star cast and achieving universal acclaim from world renowned cinema critics and best selling authors such as…

Cletus Hatfield - ‘Hog Farmers Monthly’
“Now that is what I call Mud”…

Fred Smith - ‘101 things not to do in a Tropical Downpour’
“Cretins, I am surrounded by cretins, but these people raise the bar”…

Dr Reginald Fothergill-Smythe - ‘Lesser known fungal infections of the Antipodes Vol III’
“Ohhhh, that’s a nasty one isn’t it”…

Colonel Yuri Sniffmysockenov - ‘International Space Station Cosmonaut’
“Chto za huy  Patrolski GQ Dalbaiyob”- loosely translates to “Anyone get the Rego on that GQ leafy that just went past, I think it clipped our Solar array…

This is an Event to add to your collection of a lifetime so you can relive again and again the extravaganza of Prize Winning moments such as…



The Michael Palin “I’m a Lumberjack but I’m not Gay” Award winner …
Selfy – everytime we stopped for Branches down on the Track he would go sprinting past with his Chainsaw. We even put him down the back of the 16 car convoy hoping the running would tire him out but that back fired and he had the last laugh when we really did need him and the ‘Saw’. Thankfully that last tree wasn’t quite as big as the sucker that had teleported from ‘The Forest Moon of Endor’ that we first encountered and after an “Ode to the Fallen”, a flurry of wood chips and we were on our way.



The Northampton Quilters and Handicrafts Association “1 good reason why you never make a hat whilst on an LSD trip” Award for a wardrobe most likely to make a Warthog spew…
Beachbums –  no further explanation needed (Note to the Committee, we really do need a dress code for Trips.)



The NASA “Best orbital re-entry by a non-rocket powered craft” scholarship for a non-special effects stunt…
Selfy – I didn’t see it but if it was good enough for Beachy to pick up the mike and say “Jeez ya shoulda just seen Selfy launch that Leafy” was good enough for me. We all heard the yelp from his trusty Navvy from 250 metres away

The 2nd Space Operations Squadron prize for “The highest recorded useage of a mega billion dollar GPS satellite constellation other than Gulf Wars I and II”…
The Western Patrol Club –  General Hap “Ronald” MacDonald also announced the 2nd SOS regret to advise the NavSTAR GPS system will now be retired early as “it is plum tuckered out y’all”

The Western Patrol Club prize for “at least the Yanks are good for something” research and technology won by…
The 2nd Space Operations Squadron – otherwise we would still be in the bowels of Lane Poole Reserve trying to find a way out past humungous fallen trees and E.T. would have missed his fav Sunday Night Roast Pork Din Din’s. It should be noted this prestigious award has not been won for several years as it had been previously secreted away when we met Stets.

The Procrastinators Society Lethargy Award for Notable non-accomplishments.
C.A.L.M.  – for taking longer to build the Mt Keats Fire Tower than the Perth Mandurah Rail Line and Kwinana Freeway Extension combined. Yes, Geordie it was Beachy's weirdarse sense of humour and not the confusion between a survey plaque and a fire lookout tower that was giving him all that mileage.
It is also why I now do my reccies alone (much less chance of embarrasment)

The Red Skelton Comedic Special Achievement Award for getting the most mileage from the crappiest joke
Beachbums – On behalf of all the members on that Trip, Beachy, if we hear one more reference to the Mt Keats Fire Tower then name your beneficiaries mate, cause we will kill you.

The retired High School Principal’s “Golden Cane and Detention Slip Award” for outstanding discipline in an instructive environment
Tuff Tonka – he and Beachy headed off to a mud wallow with a coupla new members to pass on some Mud driving tips and demonstrate recovery techniques… insert the term Lambs to the Slaughter here… after the newbies got bogged 37 times in 30 minutes I heard one of ‘em on the Radio “Strewth, I’m glad we didn’t go with the others over to the gnarly stuff”.
A big hats off to Beachbums and Tuff Tonka for giving up their time to pass on some great advice to a couple of our members new to the Patrol World. Amazing where a patrol will go isn’t it Boys.



The Sunday Tattler Social Butterfly goes too…
Walter Ego – at last count rode in 4 different vehicles but liked the GQ’s best of all (Tough luck Walter, it’s my trip report so whether you did or didn’t isn’t relevant) with a special mention for selling a whole bunch of raffle tickets and making anyone we came across who owned a Patrol promise to join the Club.

The Telstra ‘Damn, they got more Tesltra Utes than we do” Award for best use of one of their crappy ex-fleet vehicles
DX Grunt – racked up 2 recoveries and 1 recovererer..er or whatever... and that was before lunch.

The WA Police Award for prettiest light display
Themselves - Plumber was having a nice quiet cruise up the Freeway in the rocking chair of our convoy doing just under the speed limit when the Highway Patrol Disco Light Show indicated their desire to conduct inquiries about how he got such a nice truck, where to join etc (me and Beachy bolted, them suckers have tasers and they can be fatal on people over 50 years of age). Seriously Boys we luv ya, keep the roads safe for us all... Wot's that?... You don't think they read these Forums?... got news for you!

The Steve Irwin perpetual Trophy for the most efficient method of noxious weed eradication nominee
GU4x4 – them arum lilies had no chance





Honourable mentions to runners up in other categories went to

Geordie 4x4 – everytime he stopped the doors would fly open and people with cams would head in all directions, great to see you and the boys having fun Geordie

Patrol GUIV.2 – most pregnant navigator altho some of us blokes were in with a chance till the gender testing. Best wishes from all of us Hayley, remember in November, that after the grandparents the WPC must be the next to know... we luv babies.

Mikael – Reverse/Forward/Sideways, doesn’t matter, if you haven’t got a Gold Medicare Card, Victoria is probably the place to be to watch Mikael pedal his GU. Actually, only just realized but maybe the safest place might be inside with him… Hmmm, on second thoughts… Nah.

My91gq – great effort by a stockie on HT rubber and also got a mention for being brave enough to be within 100 metres of Mikael when in ‘Kamikaze’ mode. Them GU's are deceptively fast in reverse eh Justin, they get like that 'cause they aren't quite as good at coming out the other side as GQ's are.

Expat Kiwi – I reckon we need to run a caption competition for this piccy Jeremy. That is one seriously interesting boghole he is in there that the camera doesn't do justice too.



Bloggsy, Turbo, Bulman, and everyone else you are just going to have to tough it out with me until the next trip and we'll see if we can knock some of these awards off.

Should be some terrific video and pics from the day for the Annual DVD and a big BIG thanks to Doggy for putting the trip together and also to Beachy, Tuff Tonka, TurboGQ, Selfy and anyone else who I missed who assisted as Trip Leaders or T.E.C’s during the day. Juggling 16 vehicles, splitting and reforming the convoy several times and using different routes hopefully meant everybody got a taste of whatever they desired.

Hey, Where did that Nissan Hilux come from…
Almost forgot to mention a solitary wayward Hilux we picked up along the way late in the arvo. He was attempting the Fawcett Track and did us a big favour in letting us know the track was blocked a further 15 K's further in and was trying to find a way out when we took him under our wing. 16 Patrols did a good job of blocking his way out anyhow so he didn't have much choice I guess... anyway he looked a tad happier when we turned up and indeed we only saw one other vehicle (another Patrol as it happened) and that was 30 minutes earlier.
« Last Edit: 21 September, 2009, 08:08:48 PM by the evil twin »
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Tuff Tonka

Re: “Mud, Ruts and No Glory Trip”
« Reply #1 on: 23 September, 2009, 08:43:05 PM »
I had a good day, But I tell you what when you find that fire tower ET you let us all know Oky Doky. Lets have some more like this.